Wrongdoings
by Ayumu Foxtail-chan
Summary: Even if she'd forgiven him for the past, he hadn't forgiven himself. And so he'd continue to work toward a future where he'd eventually paid her back, although he doubted his life was long enough. ―GaLe


_**Wrongdoings**_

He wasn't anything overly special. He had his looks, he guessed, and his strength, but in all the areas where it mattered, he was… average at best. He couldn't sympathize with others. He had no feelings whatsoever for others when they were hurting really. That little twinge of hurt in his heart that he should feel, he just didn't. Did that make him a monster? To some, yes, but it was just the way he was wired.

Emotionally he was far below average. Physically, above it, and mentally… even farther below than his emotional rank. He wasn't bright. Never had been and never would be. He knew how to read, he knew how to speak, and he could do basic math but nothing more.

He wasn't bright, and he guessed that's why he felt so inferior to her sometimes.

No, inferior wasn't the right word. He knew their places as a team: he was the strong one, she was the brains of the operation, and that's why their team worked out so well. They were opposites, and so they covered all of the necessary bases. So he didn't feel inferior he felt… guilty?

It might have sounded insane to someone on the outside that he'd feel guilty for not being as smart as she was, but he did in a way. Once again, he wasn't good with emotions so dealing with them or even placing a name upon them was damn near impossible for him. But yeah, guilty sounded right.

He felt the need to correct his wrongdoings in the past. Everything from just being a part of such a dark guild to the fact that he'd knocked out his now-close partner and pinned her to a tree. There was such an overwhelming sense of guilt attached to that memory that he figured that was what stemmed the guilt of not being as smart as she was.

He wanted to be smart, to have intelligent conversations with her as a way of correcting his wrongs. He wanted to make it up to her, and since he wasn't good with emotions or talking he could only do it in little ways slowly over time. By blocking her from an attack he felt just the tiniest ounce lighter, that guilt lifting, and slowly he figured after years and years maybe all of that guilt would be chipped away.

One way it could chip away faster was if he could relate to her. He knew Levy wanted more than anything to have someone to talk with. Talk about those books she liked, the new theories she had; that's why she loved talking with Lucy so much. He had no interest in her interests, mainly because he was too dim to understand them, but he wished he did. He wished he could understand and converse with her, give her company, a wall to bounce ideas off of, really just anything to begin repaying her for all the horrible things he'd put her through.

It wasn't just the "tree" incident, as he'd grown to call it. It was everyday things. He'd snap at her, snort at her, roll his eyes at her, and that guilt would continue to pile on, even when he was trying so hard to erase it, it kept piling on day after day, quicker than he was repaying. He was sinking in guilt. He just couldn't keep up with it.

What kind of human was he? He was such a jerk. He realized it but knew there was no way to fix it. It was hardwired into his DNA or something like that. He tried not to roll his eyes, but he did anyway. It wasn't because he was irritated with her, although he was sure that was how it came off. He rolled his eyes, or snorted, or snapped, because he cared. He just didn't know how to show it.

He hated the self-loathing associated with her. She was bright and light and everything wonderful while he was the polar opposite. He just wanted to correct what he'd done and yet he figured even a lifetime wouldn't be long enough, at least in his eyes.

For a long time he hated himself, a long, long time… until one day on a job she'd laughed and punched him in the arm –which he'd barely felt- and said something that'd stick with him forever.

_"__Jeez, you're so hard on yourself Gajeel. Lighten up!"_

He'd had to blink a few times to make sure that it was really her saying that. Lighten up? He was so hard on himself? He was but… he hadn't expected her to realize it.

And then he smiled to himself once she'd turned around to talk to Lily. It just figured. He was dull, and she was sharp, of course she'd figure out all of the real feelings behind his gruff demeanor. She was incredibly smart, so much so that he hadn't even realized the full depth of it.

Of course, that didn't make up for all he'd done. Even if somewhere he knew she'd forgiven him already he hadn't forgiven himself. Although, it felt a little better now. Less like quicksand and more like just slowly piling dirt into a hole, watching it stack up before his eyes.

Because he wasn't perfect, and he'd work as hard as he could to atone for the wrongdoings he'd done unto her and others, but it was alright. After all he should 'lighten up', right? And even if he wasn't perfect, to the one person whose opinion mattered to him, he was imperfect in a perfect sort of way.

* * *

_The Non-Flash Bingo - correct - any anime/manga with multiple universes - 940 words_

**I dunno, I just feel like Gajeel is extremely hard on himself internally even if he never lets it show. Plus, it's cute to me that Levy's forgiven him. Kind of a 'Beauty and the Beast' situation they have going on there, no? XD **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I'd love to know what you thought! :D**

**~Foxtail-chan**


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